When You’re Down, No One Wants to Help—But When You Succeed, Everyone Wants a Piece: Learning to Differentiate the Real from the Fake

In life, success often brings new opportunities, recognition, and people. But not all those drawn to your success are there for the right reasons. It’s an age-old paradox: when you’re struggling, barely anyone offers a hand, but when you make it to the top, suddenly everyone wants to be part of your world. This shift can feel like a wave of new “friends” and connections, but it’s crucial to learn to differentiate the genuine people from those who are simply attracted to your success.

The Loneliness of Struggle

It’s a harsh reality that when you’re at your lowest, the world often seems indifferent. Whether you’re building a business from the ground up, dealing with a personal crisis, or trying to get back on your feet, offers of help are scarce. The people you thought would stand by you might go silent, and sometimes even family and close friends won’t understand or know how to support you.

This period of isolation, though painful, has a silver lining: it gives you clarity. Those who do step up during your darkest moments, even in the smallest of ways, reveal their true character. They are the ones who care about you as a person, not what you can offer them. Pay attention to who remains in your corner during these times—these are the real ones.

The Flood of Attention After Success

Once you’ve achieved success—whether that’s hitting a career milestone, growing a profitable business, or reaching personal goals—the narrative shifts. All of a sudden, people who were distant or uninterested become eager to connect. Old acquaintances reach out with congratulations, and people you barely know want to collaborate, “pick your brain,” or simply associate themselves with your achievements.

While it can be flattering to receive this attention, not all of it is sincere. Many people are attracted to success, not to you. They’re more interested in the benefits they can gain from being around someone who has “made it.” If you’re not careful, you can easily surround yourself with individuals who drain your energy, time, and resources without offering anything meaningful in return.

How to Differentiate the Real from the Fake

Success doesn’t just magnify your accomplishments; it also magnifies the intentions of those around you. Here are a few key strategies to separate the real from the fake:

1. Observe Behavior in Tough Times: One of the simplest indicators of someone’s authenticity is how they behaved when you were struggling. Did they offer support or encouragement when there was nothing to gain from you? These are the people who truly care. Keep them close.

2. Pay Attention to Reciprocity: Healthy relationships, whether personal or professional, are based on reciprocity. If someone is always asking for favors, advice, or your time without offering anything of value in return, that’s a red flag. Genuine connections involve mutual benefit, where both parties contribute to the relationship.

3. Watch for Consistency: Fake people are often inconsistent. They show up when things are good but disappear when the going gets tough. Authentic relationships are steady and consistent, regardless of the external circumstances.

4. Test Loyalty: Success attracts opportunists. These are the people who are only loyal when it’s convenient for them. Watch how people react when you set boundaries or say no to their requests. A genuine friend or colleague will respect your limits; an opportunist will fade away or become resentful.

5. Value Quality over Quantity: It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of having more connections or being surrounded by more people, but quality always trumps quantity. A few loyal, supportive friends or colleagues are far more valuable than a large circle of superficial relationships.

Surround Yourself with People Who Add Value

One of the most important lessons that comes with success is understanding that your time and energy are your most valuable assets. Be intentional about who you allow into your inner circle. Surround yourself with people who bring positivity, support, and inspiration to your life. These are the individuals who add value—whether through emotional support, honest feedback, or shared goals.

Don’t be afraid to cut ties with those who don’t serve you. It’s not about being cold or heartless; it’s about protecting your energy and focusing on the relationships that genuinely matter.

Conclusion

Success changes the dynamics of your relationships, for better or worse. While it’s wonderful to celebrate your achievements and share them with others, it’s essential to remain discerning about who you allow into your world. Not everyone who claps for you is rooting for you. Some people are only interested in the benefits that come with your success.

By learning to differentiate the real from the fake, you’ll ensure that you keep your circle filled with those who genuinely add value to your life. These are the relationships that will stand the test of time, through both the highs and the inevitable lows.